Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light on my path. Psalms 119:105
I’d mulled over the only two options I could see for four days. My head wrestled with a dull but persistent ache and my stomach churned like it was working overtime for a butter factory. With only enough grant money to cover part of my tuition and full time field training keeping me from working, I’d have to take out the student loans to keep myself and my kids afloat until I could get my degree and get a job that would barley make me more a year than what I’d have to pay back.
I filled out the necessary forms and completed the entrance counseling for the loans and a grant (that later fell through) and waited and worried. I then did what most Americans do and tried to calm myself with plans to put the money to good use –bills and overdue car repairs. But, no matter what I told myself I just kept thinking of how stuck I’d be trying to pay it all back.
I should add here that I was praying and seeking the counsel of good friends, but my tangible monetary needs kept making me question everything again.
I harassed the financial aid office at my school because whenever we’re unsure about something the best thing to do is make a decision and try to rush it through so we don’t have to rethink what we’ve decided. But they were processing my forms at their leisure giving me time to stew over the whole situation even more. Last night after a warning from a friend, who’s quite financially saavy, to do my best to stay clear of any loans, I lost what little resolve I had to go through with it. But what now? Just drop school and take a job for even less pay?
I laid in my bed eyes wide open with no clue as to my next move and closed my eyes and said simply “Lord I give. I need help”. A few minutes passed and suddenly I remembered another option. I picked up my phone and started looking into it. It would be less pay, but still allow me to do the same type of work, and possibly work somewhere with tuition reimbursement, as well as give me more experience when I did get my degree and allow me time for my family and my writing.
It was by no means easy to get to this point, but by God’s grace I did. In a world bent on taking the fastest quickest path to its’ desires we can easily comprise what’s important to us for what will make us more money sooner. We can breeze past the unseen path that’s better for us if we don’t sit still and wait to hear from our inner Guide. Remembering that the journey itself offers profuse blessings can keep us from getting lost in the rigamarole of the get-it-quick-and-lose-it-quicker, mentality that so often does us in.