All I could do was let out a disgusted sigh. I was once writing everyday and now the thought of even looking at my blog made my soul ache.
What had happened? When I first realized writing was my thing I was excited. Creative ideas flowed from my mind like the mighty Mississippi river. But, the energy to follow through on any of those ideas is stuck in the mud banks of said river. There is something about the hooplah created by buzz words like “purpose” and “calling” that can actually make pursuing those things a lot more difficult.
You’d be on the internet for months on end if you read every article or post about how to find your purpose, live out your dreams, or find out who you really are. Let me give you a little secret, WHO YOU REALLY ARE IS YOU! Like how an acorn is an oak tree in its early stages, every moment of your life you are you, just in different stages.
We “shoulda, coulda, woulda” ourselves to death and the media and powers that be line their pockets with our self-loathing, grief, and regrets.
No matter what you try to do there’s a youtube video, self-help book, or website that tells you you are doing it wrong and they can show you how to do it right. But, here’s what is seldom considered, they don’t know you! So called diet experts don’t know your specific genetic makeup to be certain that this new miracle pill will work for you, but they tell you that anyway and we go right ahead and believe them, because life is hard work and we’re all suckers for one thing or another that promises to make it easier.
This is how our dreams can become our nightmares. Writing is very therapeutic for me. I’ve always felt better after writing everything out. My feelings, chores, shopping list, everything. Years ago I used to write blogs on my MySpace page (R.I.P.). It was great. The very fact that it was called “my space” made me feel free to express myself openly and honestly. There was no forum about how I should be writing or what topics to write about and how to get more traffic to my blogs.
These things aren’t horrible in and of themselves, but if you don’t stay connected to what it is you really want, all of this free advice can cost you, well–you. You have the specific dreams you have for a reason. Because only you can bring them into fruition a certain way. Everybody cooks, writes, paints, builds, or makes something, but not even identical twins do thing the same thing the exact same way.
In this day and age I think it’s best (at least for me) to simply do what it is I enjoy to do, without dancing with the devil in the details until I over think everything and end up doing nothing. Sure there will be times when I genuinely need some help or advice, but most of the time, I just need to be me–good, bad, or crazy–me.