Help my unbelief

When you look up at the sky and see clouds dark and heavy with rain do you remember the sun is there? 

One of the fundamental hopes of Christianity is that after one dies they will go to heaven and spend eternity with God. There’s no shortage of beautiful songs, writings, sermons, or teachings on the joy that awaits the faithful believer who loves God and their fellow man. It is the hope of all who believe to spend eternity with the lover of their soul. It scares me half to death.

I know, I know that’s not what a good Christian is supposed to say, but it’s the truth so I’m putting it out there. I like the idea of heaven and all, but death is the only door there and it’s a one way trip. I’m 35 and still in awe of the beauty, even in the tragedies, of this world that Christ lovingly guides me through, so it’s difficult for me to be eager for all I know (and all I don’t know, but can be known) to pass away. What if I miss something?
Change and loss are two doozies I’m still learning to embrace and dying embodies them both. Whenever I’m about to embark on major life changes thoughts of death snatch away my sleep and leave me wide eyed in the darkness, hugging myself to remember I’m still here. But lurking in the shadows of my mind is that simple fact that one day I won’t be.

I’m certain that if I deepen my relationship with my Creator, this fear will pass and I’ll be better for it. So, I’ll keep doing my best to live, laugh and love and I will look to the sky and await what comes.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. A great connect with the Creator, you are right..let him decide what’s in store… bliss for us . Lovely.God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen. It is the best way. It is harder than I realized to let go of the idea of self- sufficiency, but it is worth it. Thanks, be blessed as well.

      Liked by 1 person

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